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2019-11-27 | Journal | Source of Anger

My job interview today didn't go so well. I am missing some key skills for the role. I had hoped that I could compensate with some of my other efforts. It may still be a possibility, but I don't feel good about how I did. Another thing happened, though, that surprised me. I was asked about why I left various jobs. She bounced around between different jobs and asked me why I left. She got to the time in 2009, and I paused, told her it was a little weird to get into this, but I told her that I left because I felt I didn't want to be trapped at that place. I had felt trapped before, when Yvette first got diagnosed, and didn't want to be trapped again when it metastasized. I thought I had a way out with the Supplements gig, but that was a mistake.

Bobo came in towards the end of the call, after we had talked about 2009. I waved at him as he entered, and he went back to his room. After the call I went in after him and reminded him to clean up his room and the bathroom as he had agreed. I started Dippy, our robot vacuum, and made a slight crack as I shut the door that I had to shut it because his area was so dirty. This was true, but I could feel an amount of anger that was out of proportion with the situation. I realized that the anger came from the interview. It wasn't because I wasn't happy with the interview. Interviews are to find the right fit. With what I know right now, without talking to the hiring manager, I am not convinced it is a good fit. Yes, it is a bit disappointing, but it is not something to get angry about.

What I realized I was angry about was resentment of Yvette and her fight with cancer. I had always thought that the anger came from my childhood. I wanted to escalate with Bobo. I wanted some relief. I wanted to be angry. I could feel it. Instead, I realized what was happening and just went to my bedroom and closed the doors until I calmed down. I figured I would just work on my software a bit, put some energy into that instead. Sean told me that I should tell Bobo how I felt and what had happened, and I decided she was right.

When I told Bobo about it, his normal half-defiant defensive posture on unscheduled talks softened. He was quiet, nodded as I explained all of how I felt, and where I thought it came from, and what the interview brought up. I told him that I realized I wanted to escalate with him, be angry with him, but that wasn't right, so I just left. I asked him if he could relate to what I had said, and he said yes in such an affirmative way, that I think he has similar issues. I asked him if he wanted to talk more about it, and he said no. Perhaps it will come up again, perhaps not. He seems to be calmer, now. I think the talk was a relief for him.

I looked on the web to try and figure out what kinds of things I could do when I realized what the source of my anger was. Ironically, writing in my journal was recommended, but my journal was non-functioning because I had added the graph capabilities for the presentation today, and it broke my regular journal. I got it fixed, though, and was able to write this.

anger sean cancer bobo work yvette

Articles tagged with sean on Mud Hut Club:

2020-06-07: First Week & Jalapeños
2020-06-01: Pee in a Bottle
2020-05-24: The Big Lie
2020-05-23: House Move

Articles tagged with sean on O.R.N.G.:

2019-02-19: Who'll Stop the Rain?
2019-02-14: Fish Sticks
2018-11-10: Interim Sun
2018-10-20: What is O.R.N.G.?
2018-10-13: Where Do We Stop?
2018-09-18: Mr. Lucky's
2018-07-21: Gathering Journal Items
2018-06-30: Basement Punish
2018-06-21: Cookie Crush
2018-06-16: Outraged Southern Grandma
2018-06-15: Best Two Beers
2018-06-09: Red Rope
2018-06-02: Kantors
2018-06-02: Two Layers Down
2018-05-12: Knee Bubble
2018-03-03: Her Smile
2017-11-19: face_words
2017-11-09: dragon_and_rose
2017-07-16: Knight and Maiden
2017-05-28: Interesting
2017-05-24: Luscious
2017-02-22: ignition switch
2016-02-28: three legged goat
2016-02-04: Sean's Dad's Grave
2015-08-06: Boxes of Beads
2015-07-23: Dental Gulag
2015-04-06: Big Ford and Torn Fences
2015-03-19: Sean's Arms
2015-03-18: hand-in-hand
2014-12-19: White Album Letter to Sean
2014-12-17: Back and Forth Emails
2009-10-19: Yay Pick Sweep!
1980-10-31: Musical Chairs
1979-10-13: The Beatles and the Annex

Articles tagged with cancer on O.R.N.G.:

2019-02-14: Fish Sticks
2014-03-30: Bobo Hug
2012-10-13: Death March Shirts
2012-05-19: Widower
2011-09-25: Trumpet Player
2010-06-06: MCJ Books
2010-04-28: Yvette's Health and Internal Landscapes
2009-04-19: Completing the Call Dream
2008-05-31: MCJ Road Trip
2007-05-16: Nana's Funeral
2006-03-28: Car Pit Dream

Articles tagged with bobo on Mud Hut Club:

2020-06-09: Ride Bump
2020-06-01: Pee in a Bottle
2020-05-24: The Big Lie
2020-05-08: Pronoia Stretch

Articles tagged with bobo on O.R.N.G.:

2019-05-19: Bobo and Coffee
2019-04-12: Bobo Alum
2019-02-14: Fish Sticks
2018-12-10: Bobo Pies
2018-10-20: What is O.R.N.G.?
2018-07-27: Toy Rambler
2018-06-24: DataOps
2018-06-21: Cookie Crush
2018-06-16: Outraged Southern Grandma
2018-06-15: Best Two Beers
2017-09-09: Own Mind
2017-06-17: Magic
2017-06-05: No Man's Land
2017-03-08: Turtle Soup
2017-01-24: slow dance
2017-01-08: card tournament
2015-10-16: Thanks, I guess
2015-09-27: Diamond Hoe
2015-05-20: I feel happy
2015-05-19: Wild Horses
2014-12-04: Bobo's Dream Loch Ness
2014-10-25: What Bobo Read at Funeral
2014-03-30: Bobo Hug
2013-03-13: Rebuilding Grandpa's Chainsaw - Revisit
2012-09-24: Vacation and Crying
2012-03-22: No Compromise
2011-11-01: Rebuilding Grandpa's Chainsaw - Part 4
2011-10-31: Rebuilding Grandpa's Chainsaw - Part 3
2011-10-30: Rebuilding Grandpa's Chainsaw - Part 2
2011-10-29: Rebuilding Grandpa's Chainsaw - Part 1
2011-08-01: Out and In Burger
2010-08-30: Bobo Nightmares and Sleepovers
2010-08-30: Imagining Without Wine
2010-03-17: Carved Scorecard and Hotdogs
2010-03-08: Trout Sauce
2010-03-02: Time and Climbing
2010-01-25: The Terminator Kitty is Not your Friend
2009-09-22: Google That for Me
2009-09-21: Three Minds and IT Rootball
2009-09-18: Steep Mountain
2009-07-31: Bobo Nightmares and Peaceful Visions
2009-07-31: Hands and Lemon Sun
2009-03-16: Creature Create
2009-01-02: Shepherd's Pie
2008-08-09: Old House and Fire Pit Dream
2008-05-31: MCJ Road Trip
2008-04-22: Hot Rods, Earth Day, Nash Ramblers, and Timothy Leary
2008-04-04: Bobo's TV Device
2007-03-06: Bobo Dream Safeway and Robots
2006-12-31: Shed Cleanup
2006-04-20: No more school for Bobo
2006-04-13: The Cost of Eating Pandas
2006-04-06: Bobo's First day of School
2006-03-28: Car Pit Dream
2006-03-25: Big Boy Bed Lessons
2006-03-05: Engine All Installed
2006-02-17: Ugliest Dinner Ever!
2006-02-08: Cabbage and Pork
2006-01-19: Goldfish Diversion
2006-01-16: Whole Wheat Kids Cookies
2005-11-16: Tofu and Hamburger Meatloaf
2005-09-15: Cowboy Coffee
2005-09-05: Project Gutenberg - Surprising Stories
1996-03-27: Jumanji

Articles tagged with work on Mud Hut Club:

2020-06-09: Ride Bump
2020-06-01: Pee in a Bottle

Articles tagged with work on O.R.N.G.:

2018-09-28: Pebbles Dupe
2018-06-29: Trying to Play
2018-06-23: Focus
2018-06-23: Too Dense
2018-04-12: Zap and Crumb
2018-02-18: Taking Steps
2018-02-13: Unicorn Dreams
2017-11-08: health_insurance
2017-07-18: Let it go
2017-06-10: Baking Pies
2016-03-15: Yet more Ezra
2013-04-28: Why are flowers beautiful?
2012-11-30: Startup and watches
2012-05-06: Letter not Sent
2009-12-19: Living at the Margin
2009-04-15: IT Root Ball
2008-12-04: Word Fields
2007-10-01: Change Management
2005-10-17: Virtualization Between the Platform and the Application With Java

Articles tagged with yvette on Mud Hut Club:

2020-05-24: The Big Lie

Articles tagged with yvette on O.R.N.G.:

2019-07-20: Bricklan
2019-04-22: Four People
2019-04-10: Floppy
2019-02-14: Fish Sticks
2018-11-10: Interim Sun
2018-10-20: What is O.R.N.G.?
2018-07-27: Toy Rambler
2018-07-21: Gathering Journal Items
2018-07-19: Bob and Connie
2018-07-10: Incredibles
2018-06-30: Basement Punish
2017-12-23: Orion
2017-12-20: Chili
2017-11-29: so_what
2017-11-14: cycles_of_trees
2017-09-08: With or Without Me
2017-08-12: Walking, House, Chairs
2017-01-14: The Mud That Caused Thy Fall
2016-12-24: Early Pies
2016-12-03: Happy in Her Outfit
2016-11-24: Back of the Train
2015-06-25: Honey Badger Cat
2015-03-18: hand-in-hand
2014-12-19: White Album Letter to Sean
2014-12-17: Back and Forth Emails
2014-11-12: medusa
2014-10-30: Back in
2014-10-29: sculpture fire
2014-10-25: What Bobo Read at Funeral
2014-10-24: Horse and Crow
2014-10-20: yugurt ramp
2014-10-12: cat time
2014-10-11: Yvette's Memorial
2014-10-06: Yvette, Bobo, and Memorial
2014-10-06: Wash of love and asdf
2014-09-22: Divine Web
2014-09-22: Who To Write To
2014-09-20: No More Treatments
2014-09-18: Ramp
2014-08-22: pancreas
2014-07-30: Not as strong
2014-03-30: Bobo Hug
2013-05-06: Time Flash
2013-05-04: Throwing Good Money After Bad
2013-04-21: Red Tiny House
2013-03-16: Wrong Eric
2013-02-05: NT 4 Boot and Good Times
2012-11-21: The Hostess Entries
2012-09-24: Vacation and Crying
2012-07-08: Amputation
2012-06-07: quantum entanglement
2012-06-07: Missed Birthday
2012-06-05: Yellow Lung Fluid
2012-06-03: Guard Rails and Perm Field Techs
2012-06-01: My own filth
2012-05-23: Dawn
2012-03-23: Found RedNotebook
2012-03-22: No Compromise
2012-02-12: His Great Coat
2012-01-15: Colored Seaweed
2012-01-05: Bus Doesn't Pick Up There
2011-08-31: White Rabbit
2011-08-28: Lost in Charlie's Clothes
2011-03-01: 2nd day of work at New Job
2010-12-04: Ice Ship
2010-10-26: My Corner
2010-10-12: Anniversary Truck Colors
2010-10-04: Rhett Bourbon
2010-10-03: Sigg Doorways
2010-10-02: Crow Flying and Yellow Truck
2010-08-30: Seemann
2010-08-30: Bobo Nightmares and Sleepovers
2010-08-28: Five Easy Pieces (at last)
2010-08-21: Marmaduke
2010-08-12: Whistlestar
2010-08-07: The War of Art : Not Like
2010-08-06: Id Climb
2010-07-09: Easy Breath
2010-07-02: I told you so!
2010-06-08: Sharp Grey Rocks
2010-05-26: A Song and a Movie
2010-05-22: MCJ, NoNIC, etc.
2010-05-21: Attack
2010-05-20: Good Day
2010-04-30: Stirring Sugar
2010-04-29: A Normal Day
2010-04-28: Yvette's Health and Internal Landscapes
2010-03-31: Doing Much Better Scott
2010-03-18: Goth Woman Advice
2010-03-17: Carved Scorecard and Hotdogs
2010-03-08: Trout Sauce
2010-02-27: New Internal Landscapes
2010-01-25: The Terminator Kitty is Not your Friend
2010-01-01: Beans
2009-12-06: Forest Fires
2009-11-21: Nerd Fantastic Sacred
2009-10-10: Yellow Truck
2009-10-07: Small Rental With Heat Lamp
2009-09-28: Top of the Church
2009-09-27: Tarp Walls
2009-09-11: A New Dryer Timer - Part 1
2009-09-02: Green Carpet with No Molding
2009-08-30: Death Machine
2009-08-24: Dock Boats and Go-Live
2009-08-12: Taos Houses
2009-08-04: Eye to Eye
2009-07-31: Bobo Nightmares and Peaceful Visions
2009-06-28: An Innocent Computer Move - Sunday
2009-06-27: An Innocent Computer Move - Saturday
2009-06-26: An Innocent Computer Move - Friday
2009-04-19: Completing the Call Dream
2009-01-02: Shepherd's Pie
2008-11-23: Rustc Credentials Dream
2008-08-09: Old House and Fire Pit Dream
2008-05-31: MCJ Road Trip
2008-05-28: Mountain Climbing Metaphor - May Revisit
2008-02-12: Dead Rabbit Vision
2007-09-13: Goodbye Romeo
2007-05-16: Nana's Funeral
2006-12-31: Shed Cleanup
2006-08-16: Tuna Fish Sandwich with Nana
2006-03-28: Car Pit Dream
2005-09-15: Cowboy Coffee
2004-07-31: Purchasing Our Rambler
2002-08-09: 8048 Puzzle Box
1995-01-01: The Number 9 Period: 1995-2000
1994-12-15: Laundro Mat on Cherry
1994-02-14: Crowley's Confessions
1993-02-14: Plans for Life After Graduation/Property
1993-02-13: Barney Problems
1993-02-01: Information Underground
1993-02-01: Mesa, Mountain, Clearing
1992-11-30: Port and Divine
1992-11-13: Solar Quest
1992-11-08: Math Analysis
1992-08-04: Purchasing Barney
1992-06-20: Hot Dusty Dirt
1992-05-15: The Reuben Sandwich Period: 1992-1994
1991-01-15: Siouxsie Vid
1991-01-14: Marc Unloading Truck
1990-12-13: Strawberry Pig Dream
1990-01-19: Interview with writer Yvette Demetz, January, 1990
1987-10-11: The Spiegel Catalog
1987-03-14: 55 GMC With Butterfly Wings
1986-11-20: Moped Rides to the French Quarter
1986-10-10: First Night Yvette
1986-10-03: Had it in the Ear Before
1986-07-01: Honda CB200 Twin: Adventures in Plumbing
1986-06-06: Give a Man a Coat
1986-05-30: The Hawg Burger Period: 1986-1992